Sleeping when it's pouring cats and dogs..

Category: Rambling thoughts. Serious. Unnecessarily obfuscated.

All the people in the world have dreams.
Many of them think that it will remain a dream.
Few of them strive to reach out, and give up due to all the pressures on them.
Fewer still, and i mean much fewer, reach those goals and by then have become old. They then sit and reminisce about all their struggles, and are content. They say "This is what I've done, This is what I give to my offspring, society and world".

And then there's a smaller minority.
They live their dreams.

These guys dont forget to live, while trying to reach their goals. They dont forget, that they have one life. They dont forget that the relationships they have right now, it only lasts them a lifetime. They live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment for what it is.

What's special about these guys? I sit on my fence everyday, and watch all the people, and only these guys have the sparkle in their eyes, the one glint which says everything. You want to know such people. You want to BE them. And then you wonder, where did you go wrong?

I mean, lets face it. I'm from Bangalore, one of the hubs, or rather, lets call them dhabas on the Information Superhighway. I know what it takes to be a software engineer. I know how many people busted their behinds all the way from school, through pre-university, graduation, just so that they could land a cushy job, earn big fat packets of moolah and go home proud. Yeah, I earn the moolah... it was my dream. It was my dream, that I be independent, capable of spending by myself, for myself and others, and I got my dream. Why am I not content?

And I know it. There was a time when I just started working, when people said I had that glint in my eye. Yeah, that was a long time back. I remember those days, when leaving to office, I'd enjoy the travel, I'd look at all the people travelling by my side, look at the sky, buildings, and be happy, that yeah! I got what I wanted!! And then it started.

Work. Work. Work. You throw yourself at it. It's not an examination. You are actually using what you've learnt, all that crap in engg and school.. ur USING it. Finally u know WHY u studied all that!!

And then, slowly, everything begins to fade. When u travel, the sounds are all dimmed, the people all just a blur... you reach office, and you have no idea how that time passed, you dont even remember that you might have met with a billion accidents on the way since u were driving with an absent-minded frigging mind! All you do, is think of the problems in your project, what u can do to solve them. Friends begin to stop meeting, they have work on weekends, quick delivery they say. You stop hanging out with the people you were with for four years. Then, at times, you notice a certain irritation in the air... anything you are asked, even if a little out of the way for you, and you snap. What do you think I am? Do it yourself!!

And life goes on, day after day. Make new friends, forget your old ones.. then u get married to some girl whom you might think is the love of your life, probably because she was the only one who agreed to marry you, or the only one you gave a chance to know you better. And you think you are content. Then you have rambunctious kids, who have problems, and their lives ahead restart the entire cycle.

Is this life? This how we're supposed to live it? Why do we work? So we can live? So we can eat, provide for family? Have fun with friends without worrying about where the money gonna come from? And what happens?? Go home tired everyday, watch TV, eat dinner, go to sleep.

When we were kids, we would want to stay awake all night, we believed everything we were told with wide-eyed surprise. We even believed there was a Santa Claus. If we finished our homework for the day, we could do whatever we wanted the rest of the day. We watched Chitrahaar. We watched news, sports, movies, regional, English, without any qualms. Then we got cable, each person wants to watch something else. Choice we have, they say. Be free, they say. Did we really enjoy TV as a family any more? Now, any kids come home, the parents put them in front of the idiot box, and its shocking how the young ones just sit, eyes glued to the TV. They'll keep quiet through 2-3 hours, just cos they're looking at it.

Remember we used to play outside, cricket, football, lagori, choor chand, or just cycle around? See any kids do that nowadays... yeah, you do. The ones who cant afford a TV, the ones who cant afford a computer. They then have desires, I want to have a TV and computer like that boy there. Is that the point of technology? To make those who dont have it, want it? Crave for it?

I sometimes just want to get away, sit down somewhere, watch life pass me by. Watch that small kid learn to walk, the glee on his face, he's done something new. See the pride in the parent's face.. their kid just did something incredible. He's growing. I want to watch those ants crawl all in a line across the walls. I want to sit on top of a highhhhhhhhh building, watch all the vehicles just move around down below.

But my fence is not so high.

Do i do the best with what I have? Or do i try to have more?
Do I be content with what I have? Or do I get more, so I can be content?

Why do I work? Do I do it to live?
Why do I live? Do I do it to work?

I know, that something is different with me. Deep down, there is a need for change. And I know not what is going to happen, yet I look forward to it. People say, there's a time when u stop being a child anymore. You become an adult, you become responsible, you become wise. Am I at my threshold? Am I going to stop being the child I have always loved? Am I going to give up my right to question things innocently without worrying about what others think about me? Am I finally going to understand the meaning of being?

I know not, my fence is not high.
But I am ready for it. I am ready to live my life.