Ever heard the story of the person who kept procrastinating every single task that he was expected to handle? No?? That's cos I kept leaving it for later. But even the masters of procrastination, hereon referred to as MoPs, fall in battle when faced with a undying urge to finally go ahead and do something, and to just complete that task for God's sakes!
As it so happens, I've perfected that art of being a MoP, once I make my mind to stay idle, there is absolutely nothing in this bittersweet world that can force me to go do something. I should think that a hot chick or a great buffet at the finish line might help, but so far only the latter has happened to me, and that didn't work so well. Though I did procrastinate less for that particular task. Tasks, in fact.
Anyhow, right now I seem to be going through one of those moments. Nothing brings you down better than the realization that something that you really wanted can no longer be had only because you took the time to do whatever else you were doing, feeling falsely (and might i add, easily) assured that it would last just that little bit longer. Which meant you had a lot more time to catch up with where you left off. Seeing how this is very close to Valentine's Day, I wouldn't be extremely surprised (though if you want, I can act like I was) if you thought that maybe I dilly-dallied telling some girl how much I liked her just long enough for her to finally go find someone else, out of sheer boredom, frustration, spite or just plain simple pure love, rare as it might be. Well no, not today, and not in the past eight-nine months have I gone through that, and it's never felt more unemotional :). I for one, welcome it after the tumultuous previous year. No, this time, it's something far more simple. Rain.
If there's anything I like better than being on the terrace of a 25 storey building/top of a higggggh hill, windy as only it can be, watching over all the other buildings/farms in the city/village in the moonlight, it would be rain. The pitter-patter of those raindrops on the streets makes a really heavy drop-mob sound as it bounces off the roads, shop shutters, windows, short-circuited BESCOM electricity poles, cars and trees, all of them coming together in this complete cacophony which has a barely hummable tune, but yet low enough to be surprisingly soothing. Add to that the absolutely hazy look of any object seen under the streetlight, alongside the dust that raises just a little off the ground when the rain collides head on with any unfortunate particles of sand, and we have a complete visual treat with the streaming audio, and if you really still want to be in the moment, add the scent of sand trodden on and driven on by tons of people and cars, the individuals all spitting and sometimes, vomiting their food on the ground. How that scent could actually be good, is surprising considering the input, but hey, they now make fuel out of cow dung. Anything can happen...
Today, I heard the raindrops pitter their song, and I was so busy watching a movie that I thought I can watch all that later. When the movie ended, I opened the window, to find the last stanza being sung. It appeared like the energy was gone, everything had already reached its "been high, going low" level and I was just in time to watch nature pack up. No, I wasn't devastated, but its when small things like this happen that a lot of things flash before your eyes and you realize that its not just this one instance, but so many others which have happened just like this. Manifested in many ways, it included not listening to my heart when someone I liked walked away because I thought I wasnt ready yet, missing a great professional and therefore career defining move just because I felt I wasn't ready for it yet, distancing further away from a friend since I keep putting away the one call that I think can solve it in the blink of an eye just because I have been too lazy to go buy a birthday gift, putting away very important physical fitness because something/someone isnt there or worst of all, be completely satisfied with the way I am living my life when I am actually watching all of the above happen to me while thinking that Naah, I'll do this later.
I could sit and analyze what the hell I m doing and why, but that's also being put away. See, the thing I seem to suffer from, is optimism driven by laziness and near-sightedness, fueled by a drive to totally disregard anything that anyone says in my best interest. Sure I don't open up to people, sure I'm a hard-ass at work, sure I am a total pain-in-the-ass to a lot of my friends, sure I am very childish and proud of it, but the one thing that really gets me, is that there's not one friend of mine who's not trying to pull me out of my hell-hole and the ones that have stopped have only done so because I have hurt them or their ego somehow in the process and the others are being very careful, since they realize that I don't really care about all their warmheartedness. I am getting cold-hearted much too sooner and for all the wrong reasons. I never wanted to be THAT guy. Guess what, I am now.
These things can be fixed though, and I want to get started. It's just that... I don't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Other than my well-being, I don't seem to see any reason why I should hurry up. And mainly, I still cant get myself to stop procrastinating. At the end of the day, I guess what counts, is that when the rain stops, and you miss what you didn't get, you stop breaking down and await the next time the heavens weep for us lost souls. When you walk down a dark road, it seems easy, yes it does. It's all down hill and u just drift along. If you want to really get back up, then you have to walk back up that road. If you're really strong, you'll get there soon. If not, but if you have some company along, you take longer, but the journey still seems ok because you're not alone. But if you're alone, all you have is you, and you're going to fall. Many times. It's when you decide to get up and get going every time, that you stand a chance of backing out of this hell you got into. It will always rain again. What matters is if you will always be at that window, watching when it does.
As it so happens, I've perfected that art of being a MoP, once I make my mind to stay idle, there is absolutely nothing in this bittersweet world that can force me to go do something. I should think that a hot chick or a great buffet at the finish line might help, but so far only the latter has happened to me, and that didn't work so well. Though I did procrastinate less for that particular task. Tasks, in fact.
Anyhow, right now I seem to be going through one of those moments. Nothing brings you down better than the realization that something that you really wanted can no longer be had only because you took the time to do whatever else you were doing, feeling falsely (and might i add, easily) assured that it would last just that little bit longer. Which meant you had a lot more time to catch up with where you left off. Seeing how this is very close to Valentine's Day, I wouldn't be extremely surprised (though if you want, I can act like I was) if you thought that maybe I dilly-dallied telling some girl how much I liked her just long enough for her to finally go find someone else, out of sheer boredom, frustration, spite or just plain simple pure love, rare as it might be. Well no, not today, and not in the past eight-nine months have I gone through that, and it's never felt more unemotional :). I for one, welcome it after the tumultuous previous year. No, this time, it's something far more simple. Rain.
If there's anything I like better than being on the terrace of a 25 storey building/top of a higggggh hill, windy as only it can be, watching over all the other buildings/farms in the city/village in the moonlight, it would be rain. The pitter-patter of those raindrops on the streets makes a really heavy drop-mob sound as it bounces off the roads, shop shutters, windows, short-circuited BESCOM electricity poles, cars and trees, all of them coming together in this complete cacophony which has a barely hummable tune, but yet low enough to be surprisingly soothing. Add to that the absolutely hazy look of any object seen under the streetlight, alongside the dust that raises just a little off the ground when the rain collides head on with any unfortunate particles of sand, and we have a complete visual treat with the streaming audio, and if you really still want to be in the moment, add the scent of sand trodden on and driven on by tons of people and cars, the individuals all spitting and sometimes, vomiting their food on the ground. How that scent could actually be good, is surprising considering the input, but hey, they now make fuel out of cow dung. Anything can happen...
Today, I heard the raindrops pitter their song, and I was so busy watching a movie that I thought I can watch all that later. When the movie ended, I opened the window, to find the last stanza being sung. It appeared like the energy was gone, everything had already reached its "been high, going low" level and I was just in time to watch nature pack up. No, I wasn't devastated, but its when small things like this happen that a lot of things flash before your eyes and you realize that its not just this one instance, but so many others which have happened just like this. Manifested in many ways, it included not listening to my heart when someone I liked walked away because I thought I wasnt ready yet, missing a great professional and therefore career defining move just because I felt I wasn't ready for it yet, distancing further away from a friend since I keep putting away the one call that I think can solve it in the blink of an eye just because I have been too lazy to go buy a birthday gift, putting away very important physical fitness because something/someone isnt there or worst of all, be completely satisfied with the way I am living my life when I am actually watching all of the above happen to me while thinking that Naah, I'll do this later.
I could sit and analyze what the hell I m doing and why, but that's also being put away. See, the thing I seem to suffer from, is optimism driven by laziness and near-sightedness, fueled by a drive to totally disregard anything that anyone says in my best interest. Sure I don't open up to people, sure I'm a hard-ass at work, sure I am a total pain-in-the-ass to a lot of my friends, sure I am very childish and proud of it, but the one thing that really gets me, is that there's not one friend of mine who's not trying to pull me out of my hell-hole and the ones that have stopped have only done so because I have hurt them or their ego somehow in the process and the others are being very careful, since they realize that I don't really care about all their warmheartedness. I am getting cold-hearted much too sooner and for all the wrong reasons. I never wanted to be THAT guy. Guess what, I am now.
These things can be fixed though, and I want to get started. It's just that... I don't seem to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Other than my well-being, I don't seem to see any reason why I should hurry up. And mainly, I still cant get myself to stop procrastinating. At the end of the day, I guess what counts, is that when the rain stops, and you miss what you didn't get, you stop breaking down and await the next time the heavens weep for us lost souls. When you walk down a dark road, it seems easy, yes it does. It's all down hill and u just drift along. If you want to really get back up, then you have to walk back up that road. If you're really strong, you'll get there soon. If not, but if you have some company along, you take longer, but the journey still seems ok because you're not alone. But if you're alone, all you have is you, and you're going to fall. Many times. It's when you decide to get up and get going every time, that you stand a chance of backing out of this hell you got into. It will always rain again. What matters is if you will always be at that window, watching when it does.
